The Colour of Raven

At present, Nagaland does not have an opposition party. The other political parties remind one of the pressure groups. The outcome of Framework Agreement is like the ashes from the wood of an old man living alone but in a cold mountain cabin, having brass utensils on his table, and he moving around with a glass of whiskey deciding on which vegetable he should cook. Then there is the problem of unemployment, highest in the county. It looks like maggots on a dead body, where fairies sing and dance to the music of agony harp. The mango tree above the grave does not support anything for its golden fruit makes the best of juice. The thief in the hotel has stolen everything, we heard but whose stuffs he has been stealing? Not of the guests or the staffs or the owner. He had been stealing his own stability. 

The garbage smells a lot, the blackish water and the mosquito colony all combined form a rainbow of scam and mockery. The traffic is heavy, one car runs over the other, the public is busy clicking pictures from their cheap mobile cameras. The Angel of Death laughs at the stupidity of everyone. Time lapses, the scar fades, the tear dries but the decaying of the soul remains the same. One need not pity the children because they are soldiers masquerading as gentle doves. When the squid games end and the festival get over, the shoes do not fit anyone including Cinderella. 

When will we know everything, we have is temporary, for we are ceasing. We are but creatures of tail, wagging at our interest, wagging for meeting our needs. Oh, some may say, I am not a wagging tail but that’s a lie. Everyone is suffering from a thing or the other, the difference is, some are aware of it, some are not. Ice cream melts under the summer heat but we are doomed if we are controlled by the addiction of it. All recreations come with a price, sometimes the price is too high to pay, it kills the fun it brings. What are the limits to ecstasy, when we claim ourselves as spiritual beings?  

All in all, we remain selfish mortal beings. 

A Tribute to Our Friendship

  

Note: I won’t be uploading any picture of her or ours. You know, she is not around to tell me which picture should be up and which ones should be avoided. Till date, I respect this opinion of hers. 

Finally, you have it 

Carol: Aren’t you ever going to write about me on your blog?

Myself: On your wedding day. Exclusive!

Carol (laughing): Irri asay ho.

Introduction 

I will not talk about Carol’s sickness and her untimely death. I am here to share to the world about our friendship, a friendship full of happy memories. There are so many memories but for this post, let me just present to you some of it. You will definitely get an idea of how awesome our friendship was. I pray, you too will be blessed with a friend like her, at least for once in a lifetime. 

The Beginning 

It was in the monsoon of 2009, I was having my lunch in the legendary Godavari mess, JNU. Carol came with a bowl, back then I didn’t know who she was. She walked towards me; pour the rice from the big steel rice bowl which was on my table. 

She looked at me and asked, “You’re from Nagaland?"

I replied, “Yes!”

She asked, “Do you like the food of our hostel mess?”

I replied, “It’s okay, what can we do.”

With a bright smile, she said, “I have meat pickles, come and collect it from me, whenever you want.”

That was it. 

Messi Vs. Ronaldo and Dance Beats

In all these years of friendship, we never had heated arguments or had moments of ego clashes or acted childishly by ghosting each other. I think we had so many common grounds and we shared the same political ideology, making it hard to have petty arguments. We understood and respected each other so well. 

Our days were filled with friendly banters though, she tagging me on Messi’s memes, I tagging her on Ronaldo’s, debating who is the best football player in the world, waiting for the opportunity when one of them will make international headlines for the wrong reason so that we can share with the caption, “Read what your man has done.”

Oh! How much we danced to the beats of Western and Bollywood songs, the ambience was the witness. On our hostel night, we performed a ‘Club Dance’ and the song for this dance was, ‘Lady Marmalade,’ it had a French phase, “voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)” we did not even know what it meant, later we came to know this song was made popular by this provocative line, which in English translates as, “do you want to sleep with me tonight?” Anyway, we gave our heart and soul in performing it but the audience reaction was, “it was a dance parody, right?”

I felt insulted but she was like, “It is all part of creating memories. Years down the line, you will be talking about it.” Damn, that was prophetic. 

New Haircut: Know when to keep your mouth shut

Once she told me to accompany her for a haircut. She wanted to cut it really short. After she was done, she asked, “How do I look?

Actually, it was looking kind of funny; the hairstyle did not suit her, at all. 

She must have read my face. Before I could even open my mouth, she said, “ Remember, I paid 750 bucks for this.”

I was left to say in a robotic tone, “It suits you so well. You look so chic.”

She laughed at my helplessness. 

Ultimate Counselling Disaster 

Keeping the best for the last, this one needs your imagination too. 

Few years ago, one of our male friends broke up with his girlfriend of like 7-8 years. To cheer him up, Carol, a common friend and I visited him. He was in no mood to talk, so he put on the music in the highest of volume and start dancing, it was some strange western song with trashy lyrics. We, the three dancers got so into zone that we started jumping around doing crazy steps; I stood on the sofa and was screaming the lyrics. On the other hand, Carol was lifting her hands, doing the chicken dance moves, swinging her hips etc. We were not drinking; we were not doing drugs just that we got so much into the mood. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the ex-girlfriend showed up. She gave a stern look which meant the fun was over. I was so embarrassed, wanted to disappear. Carol, who was dancing away to glory just few seconds ago, was like, “Hello, we were dancing.”

Few moments later, we were kicked out from the house.

Prologue not an Epilogue 

Carol, you are now in the land where lilies grow wide and free. If you reading this post, you hardly miss my blog post this won’t be an exception, I just want you to know, I love you so much and I will always treasure the memories we created. I will wait for the day when we will meet again. We will dance because that is what we really good at, hahahhahaha! Until then I will save the last dance for you. 

SkinKraft: Hair Products for a Naga Lady

What a treasure! The shampoo and the conditioner has my name on it, customised, it seems. Can't hardly wait to try it. It has instructions too.

After answering a set of questions, the SkinKraft experts recommended me the perfect hair products which would address my hair problems. I placed the order and within a week or two, I got it. I will use it and get back to them with my honest review.

A MISERABLE SYMPHONY

just take my hand, i am 6 feet under,

i am in the land where no grass grow and the crow sings of mockery,

don't buy me olives, final redemption was on the cruel jokes the destiny made ,

swing me around, hold my vanity, twist my fears, just don't give up on me, i said to the empty field.

in this eternal inferno, no swimmer can save me, blessed be the hero,

i beg no one to feel my numbness, cry in my winters,

i could not be a love song, i was but a prescription on the doctor's table,

so, just give me the bullet, it has my name. 

YIMSHEN NARO JAMIR: FROESE BLESSED!

When a mega celebrity becomes the owner of a restaurant, the entertainment news highlights it in the most celebrated way. Owning a restaurant is good, being the head chef of a restaurant is better but owning the restaurant as well as being the chef of the restaurant is best, my opinion.

This week I made an order for galho (also known as Naga khichdi, it is a soupy concoction of rice, leafy vegetables with meat) and fish balls from the new eatery in Dimapur named The Melding Pot run by none other than the super talented Yimshen Naro Jamir. I had such an amazing experience (an UnZomato) with the two above stated food; I could not help but write about it.

Which brings us to the next segment, who is Yimshen Naro Jamir? She is one talented soul. Cooking is her passion and travelling is her existence. Apart from these, she loves poems, music, movies, screen-shooting one sided love quotes and cooking again. Academically, she is about to submit her Ph.D thesis, her thesis topic has something to do with Russian language/culture/society. When she will be conferred the title, I will enquire about it. By the way, she can speak Russian fluently. Didn’t I tell you, she is mighty talented?

Coming back, yes, cooking is her first love and she has remained loyal to it. She is so blessed to make money out of her hobby and acquired skill. She is the owner and the head chef of The Melding Pot re. This was set up with the objective, to provide diverse dishes at an affordable rate. Indeed, the prices are reasonable, budget friendly both for school and college students. It’s a benison!

She offers catering service for birthday parties, kitty parties, wedding parties, engagement parties and all other congratulatory parties too. If you have the time and want to try new fusion foods then this is the right place, do check it out.

                Below is the address of The Melding Pot

H No. 51, Nepali Bosti

Landmark: Next to Livi Apartments

Dimapur-797112, Nagaland

   Contact no: 9711719178 (for home delivery)  

 

 

 

 

 

REVISITING JANE AUSTEN’S 19TH CENTURY ENGLISH SOCIETY IN 21st CENTURY NAGALAND

If we have watched the Oscar winning movie ‘Parasite’, then we might have an idea of how one’s class plays an important role in Korean society. Why social status holds importance till today? Well, the word ‘State’ finds its origination in the Latin word ‘status’, which means a particular social position. In ancient times, this very status separated a slave from a citizen. Over the years, State came to be used for political institution/ organization which have supreme authority over people living in its territory, while, status is used to acknowledge one’s social position. Hence, as long as a State exists, social status will exist; else how can the power relations exist within a State. In India, we talk about caste and the discrimination that comes along with it. Nagaland which is dominated by Naga tribes, which of course falls under Scheduled Tribe category seems to be more aware of tribalism, discrimination or prejudices by a community or individual against a person or people on the basis of one’s/their tribe. This issue of tribe identity is reflected more in ‘electoral politics’, and this post is not about that, please continue reading.

Over the past few decades, the wealth disparity in our society has created a clear cut distinction between have, have but not much, and have-nots. Before I get to the main point of argument, I would like to state something which might be factually wrong, blame my inadequate research, nonetheless, something which many might agree. We never had families coming from industrial background owning big manufacturing industries, large scale export-import business, and Forbes list. You know what I mean? Yes, we had wealthy families owning many lands making them product of old money and yes, we had strong bureaucratic families which in course of time had accumulated so much of wealth making the first generation novo rich, second generation richer and the third generation stingingly rich. In the process, the third generation becomes the haves of Nagaland; some might be in the second generation but might have leveled up to attain the status. Families with high status have let known themselves to the people of this land through their social media posts and pictures, through word of mouth, through their extravagant lifestyle or by their relatives who likes to brag about their wealthy family.

If we look into Jane Austin’s novels especially Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility, she depicted the social-economic realism that prevailed in the society of that period. I am not explaining the impact of industrial revolution on the English society in this post, though. The upper class were people with big fat estates and their homes had beautiful gardens, had enough leisure time to hunt and to wear the best elegant gown in every ball party. The middle class, although they somewhat had the same opportunities to engage in social gatherings and get invitation in dancing parties but they did not enjoy the luxuries and elite vote like the upper class did, and yes, they dependent more on agriculture for their income, unlike the upper class families who generated revenue through trading, renting and inheritance. Her novels show the tension that develops when two people from different social strata meet. The opinions of the secondary characters in Jane Austen’s novels regarding love, relationship and marriage and the match making scenario aligning itself to status compatibility is like a glimpse of the present Naga society. Point to note, not to complicate things, for this post, I would like to replace the term ‘upper class’ with ‘high status wala family’ in Nagaland.

Class consciousness in Love and Arrange Marriages, this is the real purpose of this post. Are we becoming so status conscious that even the marriages in our society is being determined by it?

Arranged marriage in Nagaland, giving it Jane Austin’s touch: The guy has to be a job holder, better if he is a government job holder, and the girl has to be beautiful having qualities that can defeat Amrita Rao in Vivah. If not then she should come from a family of high reputation or from a super religious family where fasting and prayer runs supreme because our society believes if the girl is from a religious family then she is automatically kind and will have limited opinions. She won’t be a news bitch for the guy’s family, no Oprah type 7 Million USD interview. On the other hand, if the guy is unemployed then he will start off with some small business. The lady, his parents or his family members will choose for him will be someone who is a working professional. In short, one of them ought to have a stable job; there are exceptions, more so, if the girl’s parents are wealthy.

Love marriage in Nagaland, giving it Jane Austin’s touch: I thought it was a self-reliant affair. But that is not always the case. Two hearts meet and decide to stay together, then the differences are well caught by the families if there is a status issue. The reservation is stronger from the wealthier of the two families. Inter-tribe issue, upbringing issue, age issue, denomination issue, relationship with Christ issue, more problem comes to the list if the guy is unemployed or in the worst case scenario, from a poor family and younger than the lady, even by a week. If the girl is from a financially weaker family, then she is seen as a woman who has used her charms to seduce the heavy wallet son, brother or nephew of theirs just to clear off her family's debt. She might be branded as gold digger, lazy yet scheming opportunist (it needs hard work, isn’t it?). Well, we don’t know what is on the lady’s mind, she might be a great fan of Komolika, but if she genuinely loves him then we are guilty of being judgmental at the worst.

True, parents often look for financial security for their children and it gets executed in choosing their life partners, this might not be called class consciousness. However, when there is a lot of game plan and manipulation involved, love of money and status overpowers honest compassion, kindness and happiness then it looks more like a business deal and not matrimony. Where is it going now? On a positive note, initially someone might marry someone for money or family's then slowly and gently genuine love might blossom, it happens. And families' opinions hardly matter when the bond is strong between the couple. Lastly, leaving aside all the problems that arrange or love marriage family compatibility might have, at the end, like any of the Jane Austin’s novels; the union of two pure hearts deserves a happy ending.  

 

 

 

 

KAUN GAZETTED OFFICERS Ah-SAY?

Let’s first define, who is a gazetted officer?

A gazetted officer is someone who works as a public servant (not slave) in a higher rank but every government employee is not a gazetted officer. It derives it service and recruitment conditions from the Gazette of India as mentioned in the Article 390 of the Indian Constitution, 1950. These gazetted officers have stamp in their name, which is used to authorize the documents. Remember before the self-attestation of documents came into the scene, we ran from pillar to post for attestation from a gazetted officer? A gazetted officer ceases to be one after retirement, their name and appointment is no more reflected in the Gazette of India document.

The government has categorized its employees into four classes, Class I, Class II, Class III and Class IV and under it only Class I and Class II officers are deemed as gazetted officers.

Let’s see which officer comes under which class.

Class I (GAZETTED)

Central and State Government employees with A service rules- IAS/IPS/IES/SDPO/ASP/ACP/IGP/DIG/ IFS/DIB/SSP etc, officers of Armed forces, officers of State Cadres of Assistant Commissioner and above, Magistrates and above in judicial services, District Medical Officer, Doctors (Government: Central and state services). In Central and State Universities- Vice-Chancellors, Assistant Registrars, Principals, and Faculty Members, Scientists of Government-funded Research Organization, Engineers (Government, State, and Central Services), Drug Controllers (Government: State and Central Services), Patent Examiner, etc.

CLASS II (GAZETTED)

Junior doctors in government hospitals, circle inspector, section officers, tahsildars, drug inspectors, headmaster in government high school, assistant executive engineers, block development officer, superintendent of excise and customs, officers in state civil services, JCOs in armed forces, income tax and revenue officers, chief pharmacists etc.

CLASS II (NON-GAZETTED)

Junior Engineers in different departments, income tax officers, custom/excise officers, senior pharmacists in the health department of governments. assistant section officers in various ministries, etc.

CLASS III (NON-GAZETTED)

These are non-gazette officers who are employed with the government but in non-supervisory roles example includes, nurses, stenographer, telephone operators, head clerks, head police constables, etc.

CLASS IV

They are amongst the lowest pay scale and are generally manual workers who are semi-skilled or skilled in that respect like, peons, trackmen, sweepers, and multi-tasking staff attached to governmental activities, etc.

 *This article might have missed out names of many or certain posts which should be placed in one of the four categories, please check the Gazetted officer list or post your questions on Quora to address your queries. Thank you!

 

 

16 THINGS HORROR FLICKS HAVE TAUGHT ME: The Clichés

 Here ‘GED’ stands for Ghosts, Evils and Demons

1. The favourite room of GED is bedroom. The favourite colour of the bedsheet is white.
2. Bathroom mirror is their favourite mirror anywhere in the world.
3. GED’s favourite hair colour is black and most desired hair style is straight long hair. No one really wants bald girls.
4. Whatever it is, don’t ever wake up if it is 3 0’clock AM.
5. You will survive the whips of GED if you are the funny one in your group.
6. It is always good to have a car with a super strong window glass.
7. GED might attack you when you are bathing but never when you are farting.
8. GED might come out from television, laptop or mobile phones but never from gadgets having Apple’s logo, why? Because, Apple does not sponsor stupid movies.
9. It is always good to carry things which have religious significance. The bigger the better.
10. The network of your phone might just go off. Hence, carry Jio, Airtel, BSNL, Vodafone&Idea SIM card. In short, it's good to be the consumer of all the available telecom service providers, if you are going to a strange new place.
11. At the end of the day, the theory of existence of GED wins over scientific reasoning. The skeptic stares with his/her eyes wide open as the lady in the white gown does moonwalk on the wall with her head turned 360 degrees.
12. Animal(s) or bird(s) is/are the first one(s) to be killed. Either falling from the roof or dying without a reason. Poor creatures!
13. GED does not mind possessing someone even if that someone is making love. Privacy please!
14. Nothing explains the cause-effect relation phenomena better than horror movies. Every horror movie has a past story. 
15. Horror movies are the perfect reason why BGM is important (The importance of Background Music in creating chills).
16. Lastly, it taught me the golden rule - Whatever it is, don’t ever look back. Run to save your life, doesn’t matter whether you are in sneakers, high heels or bare foot, just run!!!

NOT ON FACEBOOK ANYMORE: my top statuses from 2013-2017

 PART TWO

In the year 2015, 2016 & 2017 these were my top Facebook statuses

2015

LOVE IS NOT LOVE WHICH ALTERS WHEN IT ALTERATION FINDS!

Mister, I am in love with you. I am aware of the refugee crisis, I know the price of onion has jumped up in India, I know that US presidential election is next year; I know that a friend of mine is planning to settle down. There are many atheists is the world and secularism gives us the liberty to enjoy all the holidays a religion can bring. I know that people invest money to lose weight and pregnancy pills are not that effective. There is global warming, pollution and ailments. I know there are rampant extra marital affairs and monogamy is expensive than divorce. I know these and many more… So what was I saying? Oh, yeah, I am in love with you.

 

When two upcoming writers part-ways aka breakup this is what one party has to say-

“He thinks he is a writer, that too a writer of 1920s era. His whole persona is ‘writer’. But his writing — I mean, I’m no great writer myself, but it is f*** terrible. I can tolerate the most boring, cliché, and regular love-y dove-y shit but I puke half a kilo of world’s rotten tomatoes whenever I read his wrinkle in the underwear kind of writing, camouflaged, baked, wrapped and sealed under the brand of ‘political-satire’. And every time he writes a new blog post, he puts it on his Facebook. And what make it worse is he gets like 5-10 likes from all his friends and alleged girlfriends on it, like they were all on a free distribution queue! He thinks he is too intelligent, a certified bookworm but let me tell you, he is the dumbest braggist, he thinks Nicaragua is in Africa, lol, it is in Central America. And someone please go and tell him that UN does not have a capital, but Headquarter.”

P.S. I have never dated a writer so it does not concern anyone; it is just a figment of my imagination. But I already feel sorry for the man who will date and break up with me.

 

In an attempt to kick the wall, and not being falsely accused of ‘gender-biasness’, I bring the male version of ‘When two upcoming writers part-ways aka breakup this is what one party has to say’ Part 2

“She thinks she is a writer, that too a ‘feminist’ writer. But she does not know A about feminism- she said ‘Second Sex’ is an award winning record by Enrique Iglesias, what crap! If I comment on her weight she accuses me for making sexist remarks, and if she mocks at my short height, which she does six days a week, then it is healthy criticism. She bitches about all the women, especially those who are beautiful, and every second woman is more beautiful than her, so she is like a 24 x7 channel which telecasts beauty pageant and bitching together. Instead of respecting the decision of ‘unmarried woman’, she calls them ‘f*** retard’. For her smart women are big time show-offs. She once said that billionaires are the greatest gift to women. She has so much of hots for European man specifically from eastern part that any man with tonsil problem can call her up, talk, and she will faint at that accent which she cannot even understand. And someone please go and tell her that I thank her for the nights when she made me sleep in the lawn, it was like revisiting my Boy Scout days.’

2016

She made him fall in love all over again

He promised himself never to fall in love again, but she was like the finger inside the butt of an old man having a hard time shitting. And we all know how it feels, we all have been there, the tip is the most painful, but once we gently pull out the finger, the shit comes out like a hurricane, then we are at ease and our stomach is all set for another meal. He was stubborn, but she was the cure to his stubbornness. 

 

AS THE CLOCK STRUCK

3.00 am- On my mind, too early to greet you, ‘Good morning!’

6.00 am- On my mind, not a good time to ask, ‘Are you still on the bed?’

9.00 am- On my mind, have you put on your seatbelt?

12 pm- On my mind, is your lunch nutritious?

15.00 pm- On my mind, don’t you feel like taking a siesta?

18.00 pm- On my mind, I am home, are you stuck in the traffic?

21.00 pm- On my mind, the dinner was great, how was yours?

00.00 am- On my mind, I have just finished reading a nice book. Are you still working? Is your coffee still warm? Why don’t you take rest?

00.05 am- On my mind, good night!

*I am too shy to say it loud, but I do care.

 2017

Pointicles to Myself on My Birthday!

      You are getting old, but how does it matter. A gold is a gold irrespective of age.

     You are not the most beautiful woman in this world, you are number second, so stay humble.

     Let your hunger and thirst for knowledge never run out. Even if you win Noble Prize under one of the three categories- Literature, Economics and Peace, remember you have so much to learn. Yeah, Noble Prize is highly political anyway, nothing to do with your brains.

     Be kind to everyone, even your enemies. Enemies because they will inspire you in sketching the characters of the antagonists in your novels.

    When friends get married, don’t be worried. They have found their soul mate for themselves, you haven’t, and that’s enough of a good reason for them to be married.

    Don’t burst your head thinking about employment, remember, you have a backup plan ready? The plan is- to be the keynote speaker in seminars/ conferences/ workshops under the theme, ‘How to Love and Reloved: Recycling Love in 21^st Century AD.’ Gosh! You’ll have a PhD, people will take you seriously.

     Your family is your greatest support system; don’t ever bring mighty undetectable virus to crash it down.

     Bloodline does not always define who your family is, hence, treat your friends with love and loyalty, but trust only few, remember Brutus and Caesar.

     You are not a bad person, and that’s exactly the reason why SBI has been wishing you on your birthday for the last five years.

     Always be thankful for what you have. There are people in this world who does not have water to drink, food to eat, roof to sleep under or is breathing their last breath.

     Pray and stay happy!

UNTITLED

1. Why I don’t believe in the bullshit called couple’s sun sign compatibility?

I am a Gemini woman, Libra men are supposed to be the best match for me. Once, this Libra man made a super sexist remark, he had to run in his boxer shorts because I chased him half the Lodi road with broken bottle in my hand.

 

2. Some women take their husband’s surname (Demi Moore).

Some women keep two surnames (Aishwarya Rai Bachchan).

Some women goes on using her surname even after marriage (Ellen DeGeneres).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NOT ON FACEBOOK ANYMORE: my top statuses from 2013-2017

PART ONE

In the year 2013 &2014, these were my top Facebook statuses

To the Lucky Ones: Valentine’s Day Special

As the festive season does the swing, write a little note of endearment; show it to the one you love then see the reaction. If critical-know where you are heading. If indifferent- know whom you have chosen. If over sentimental-know whom you have to handle. If brutally honest-know whom you have to bear. If you get a compliment- know how to take it, with kisses and hugs. But, if the words in the note turns into a song, then remember in some corner of the world a woman is damn envious of you, and that woman is me.

P.S: You don’t need a Rock Star to make you feel lucky.

 

When that spark is not for you

You know how my Dad got my Mom? By impressing her with his witty cuts and sharp humour- a talent I have so loyally inherited. But, these days, men are more into cutting wrists (worse case is slitting throats) with sharp tools. Is it really necessary to be with the person we love, to have and to hold? I have my own share of unrequited love, I feel sad, but guess what? When I see him with the person he loves the most and with whom he knows he will be forever happy, I feel happy too. And, in that moment of realisation I give him away with pure sisterly love. Obviously, if he cannot be my saiyan then at least he can be my bhaiya.

 

4 DATING RULES OF MINE

      Never go out with someone chosen by my mother, she does not know anything about sex appeal. My father has a good choice though.

      Never go out with someone chosen by my female friends. If that man was 'out of the world good' then they should have kept him for themselves. No doubt they are good and generous but obviously they are not Mother Teresa.

      Never go out with someone chosen by my male friends. Apart from some light bromance, they tend to be easy on their friend. I mean, if I say, “He stinks!” Then the reply will be, “But he is a good man.”

       Never go out with someone suggested by my relatives. I was so mean to them; they might just take revenge on me by choosing the wrong guy for me.

 

P.S: Point no 2, 3, 4 can be taken in good humour but I am serious about Point No.1

 

Untitled

• For a decade, I was trained how to sit while wearing a skirt, although none of it were freaking short. However, with the introduction of boxer shorts, guys too need a lesson in the ‘art of sitting’.  Some weeks ago @ 10 am, with a hairdo like a morning monster, I went to dhaba for breakfast. A lad of no more than 25 years was having his tea; totally unaware that the caricature of angry bird was being exhibited by his parted legs. The only thing I wanted that hour was my grandpa’s slingshot.

•    I like the thing called X-factor. It makes me look at the person who is wearing a simple white T-shirt than the one who is using Apple gadgets. 

 

 2014

 

ARAY YAAR, HEIGHTS!

What’s wrong with my fantastically romantically caring friends? If I go to Chandigarh they are like, “Met any hunks?” if I go to Dehra Dun, “Met any hunks?” and when I am in Kolkata still the same question, “Met any hunks?”

Friends, my research is not on “Debating which Capital City of India has the highest population of hunks.” Phew!

 

MARRIAGE PROPOSAL OF THE YEAR

A guy whose profile picture is of Dev Anand, I won’t be mentioning his name for propriety sake, inbox me these lines,

Miss Longkumer, I am a great fan of yours. I love your writing so much that I want to marry you. After marriage you don’t have to do any conventional role of a wife. I will cook, cleaning and washing too is my duty. You just have to write and write, as I know writing is your passion. I hope you will consider my proposal.

I replied, ‘Hi handsome, I don’t mind marrying you. Since your name and profile picture does not suggest that you are a Jewish Banker so straight away let’s talk about your salary and the size of your house. If your house is far from the noise of the city, full of greens and blues and if you earn more than 5 lakhs per month after reduction of taxes, then, yes I will be willing to wear the diamond ring which I believe will be the size of Taj Mahal.’

Two months has gone but I have not got any reply from him. Guess he is planning to rob a bank.

 

JUST A PAVILION

In absolute modesty and honesty, all I wanted was a man who brings a cup of coffee while I am typing and who surprises me with his tender glance every time I wake up, of course with book in his hand<books like Development as Freedom, A Short History of Time and my very own Magic Quill etc, not pornographic magazine, okay>. But listen to this, in my whole years of cordial existence the only person who brought coffee for me was my family’s aged helper< every time I requested for coffee he reacted as if I have ordered him to build a pyramid. Anyway, the mug smelt of onion, effect of cheap dishwashing liquid>. And the only person who looked at me with glance, warning glance, was my mother, shouting, “Wake up! A lazy woman is a ticket to nowhere.”

 

*Guys, after reading this if you gift me a coffee-maker then you did not understand the status at all, nonetheless you are a genius*

 

      MENTAL ATTITUDE

Case 1: 434, 123, 535, 103, 832, 993

What do they have in common?

They all have 3 in them.

Now,

Case 2: 234, 567, 999, 089, 765, 494

What do they have in common?

None of them have 1 in it.

Case 1 was easier than Case 2, which means it is easier to pick the presence then the absence, and if I have to interpret then I could love to interpret this way, absence makes the heart go fonder but in the process do not vanish yourself that your absence is not acknowledged at all.

 

THEORY OF CROSS-CONNECTION: Cosmic distortion

Remember the landline times? It was partly fun- partly annoying to get cross-connections hai na.  Sometimes it happens in life too, you want to convey a message to someone and it get delivered to the least deserving recipient, the target is somewhere but the arrow hits somewhere else. Boys, in school days how did you feel when you aimed and threw a chana at a girl but due to cosmic distortion it poked the girl next to her who with her thick unbranded out of fashion reading glasses smiled at you with braces cheering your bravery? I grew up too and as single non-dating researcher, I got a tiny crush on someone but that someone has a friend aka his bodyguard who thinks I have hots for him. For my crush I usually give away my smile but my smiles are heavily returned by the wrong number. If Shakespeare was alive then with all his Elizabethan formula could have loved this cosmic distortion. Anyway, before hanging up the cross-connection, we say, ‘Sorry, wrong number,’ so in my case I better say, ‘Oye, side hero, you are cool but I like your friend’s andaz more.’

 

Untitled

1. Shrill!

Blood of the victims,

Sweat of the poor,

Tears of the neglected,

Pee of the miserable haves,

Does anyone even care that this world has a pathetic drainage system, so something has to be done for the excessive metaphorical liquid pouring out from the paradoxical jars?

 

2.Though you are far,

But, the more I breathe,

The more I find you near me

The more I find you near me,

The more I become pregnant with inspiration.

 

 

 

 

Between the Poet and Her Pencil: Bondina Elangbam

 SPECIAL FEATURE

(As appeared in The Morung Express on 5th December, 2016)

Born in the beautiful valley of Imphal, Bondina Elangbam has inherited both the Meitei and Mao-Naga cultures of her parents and this cross-cultural bonding and conflicts at times is also reflected in her poems. Between the Poet and Her Pencil is her first collection of poems, the foreword of which has been written by Kangana Ranaut, the award winning Bollywood actress and will be launching it this year end. Painting is her passion, she loves writing short stories and poems too. Her poem, My Fear has also won the Winner’s title in the Varsity Week of NEHU, Shillong in the year 2010. She received her Doctorate degree in English literature from North Eastern Hill University (NEHU), Shillong.

 

What is the central theme of your book and how long did it take for you to complete it?

It’s about life as a whole and the elements involved in it. It took few years for me to compile this poetry collection.

When it comes to writing poetry, do you feel there were add advantages of being an English literature student?

It has helped me in certain ways but it isn’t an advantage because poetry is about one’s creativity and anyone can be a poet without having to go through certain studies.

Quite recently in one of the interviews, you stated that you are not a feminist, which made an uproar among the readers. Were your words misinterpreted or there is a reason behind your choice of not being a feminist?

I would say, the term feminist has been put out of context so many times and that’s the reason why I wanted to stay away from the tag since I am a female writer. But I strongly believe in equality of women in all sectors, I am definitely a feminist in its essence but I believe more in equality without having to be tagged by a “term”.

Which identity of yours has defined you the most as a poet and to your poetry?

An unconventional woman inclined towards the artistic facets of life defines me as a poet and my poetry.

Apart from being a poet, you are an excellent painter, how do you connect this two fields?

Thank you for the compliment. See, my poems are about life and the various occurrence one experiences in life. My painting again is about the varied elements in life, the different emotions and various other aspects of life. Life in its essence connects the two and in one or the other way it is intertwined.

What are the future projects you are considering to engage on?

I’m currently working on a collection of short stories, hopefully with collaboration. In this book, I would like my readers to get a glimpse of the rich culture and the love and friendship that exists between the diverse communities of the region that I belong to.

Special Feature: A Note of Gratitude

I started off with the blogging in the year 2011. It started with a phase in my life when I was low and filled with so much of unspoken hatred towards a particular being. I would not possibly murder anyone so I channelized my anger in producing posts which were worth reading. Initially, I made so much of typo errors as I did not give much time for editing, making the Grammar Nazis to degrade my writings. Now, I think I have improved a lot, these days, we have software so this is not an issue, I believe. However, lack of ideas is something which cannot be fixed by any software and God has installed a good programme of ideas in me, it’s inbuilt, that’s how my blog is still surviving.

Starting 2015 onwards I tried applying for AdSense, which means Google will post advertisements on my blog and through it I will generate some revenue. But, my application was rejected. It took me five years and half to get the congratulatory note from Google. This January, yes, 2021 is the year for me, my blog was declared eligible. You can see on the right side of the screen, what all ads are being highlighted. You know what? It would have not been possible if there were no readers, and when I say, readers, I mean dedicated readers, who not only read my posts although some of it were/are pure bore, but also shared the link of those posts. I want to thank those readers; they are my family members, friends, students, special ones or simply stranger readers. I might not be able to thank you personally but there is something called karma, the reason why our universe was formed, it will work on you too.

In the year 2018, I didn’t write anything on my blog, you can check the bar, it is empty. I thought of even deleting my blog such was the depressive stage. However, there were people who kept on appreciating my writing skills and complimented me for my old posts, even if they were not aware of my state of mind. They were angels in disguise, their words kept me strong.

Finally, I don’t know what future holds for me but one thing for sure, jab tak hai jaan, I will write and will even rewrite the stars…

Lastly, below is a poem…samajdar ko ishara kafi hai…wink!

 

Although you were hours late

-and the night was cold,

Thanks for the Kafka dreams,

-coffee, cake, the gifts.

Although I never painted your dreams

-and I was never a good liar,

Thanks for the gratitude, admiration

-happiness, memories.

Although you don’t have a castle to save

-and I am no damsel in distress,

Thanks for the royal chivalry

-befitting a King in Knight’s armour. 

Although we never had what it takes to be one

-and to have a love story,

Thanks for the hope and more hopes

-hope to see you again.

                                                                          Although We Never Had