THE WINGS OF AN ANGEL: AYANGTI LONGKUMER THE WING WOMAN

The Sweet Angel

It has been seven years since I have been a wing woman to some of my good but not-so- lucky male friends (female friends are always lucky). I have been often told that wing woman are better than wing man, if so then I was/am the best and the reason is simple, first, I have produced impressive results and second, I don’t mind sharing the spotlight with the ‘The Girl’. Sometimes smart women make themselves look dumb by putting down other women who does not share the same amount of grey cell. When a man is expecting to say something nasty about her, I find ways to say something good about her, that way I am not falling into the trap of a man who wants to divide woman from other woman, I am too smart for that. If there is a slogan like ‘Workers of the World Unite’ then there is also a slogan that says, ‘Unification of Sisters with Beautiful Soul.’ I know I am doing a wonderful work by making amazing woman meet amazing male friends of mine. Anyway, let me get it straight so that you will not get confused with my CV. There is a big difference between a ‘pimp’, a ‘matchmaker’ and a ‘wing woman’.
Pimp

 Hollywood version: Mostly men. A pimp holds a big cigar, gold here, gold there, ugly big suit, white limousine, and black dark shades. Motive: Money.

Desi Version: Mostly Women. Red lipstick, a strong colour contrast between her blouse and petticoat, high in broken English, foul language, super loud and loud. Motive: Money.

Matchmaker
Actually there is not much difference between matchmaker and wing woman. However, the matchmaker is a boring lingo. My grandma and some old aunts are known by that name, I mean they see things from a marriage point of view. There is nothing wrong in that, they are right in their argument, but ‘all dating should end in marriage’ is not my area of specialization as I believe, if a horse is thirsty then don’t drag him to the river, unbridle him and let him find the source to quench his thirst; meanwhile, you can take bath in the river. Motive: In the name of humanity, sometimes materialistic gain, sometimes for redemption, come on, do your own homework, find it out for yourself.

Wing woman 

Super chill, super cool, super sweet, super sexy,  super informative, super smart, super attractive, super communicative, super energetic, super alert, super generous- in words and in time. Motive: Just to see her friends happy having a good time, she is simply an Angel.

The Oath
A man who does not know how to respect a woman should forever suffer from menstrual cramps <365 days a year>. I do not help the male who does not give me the guarantee that he will be respectful to the woman and her needs. Once an oral/ written bond is signed then only I proceed to make the scene sparkly.

There are ways to handle the anti-wing man, which are as follows

You know what is the greatest hurdle in the task of a wing woman? It is not the ‘woman’s hard to get attitude’. In fact, the greatest hurdle has always been the ‘anti-wing man’ and as you all know an anti-wing man not only breaks the date but also takes the girl for himself, how rude no? Let me think of ways to handle the jackass,·        It is either through poisoning or gunning him down, but homicide is an ugly scene so there is a milder way of handling it.·        Just whisper in the girls’ ear, “You know what? He is a creep; he hits on all the girls. He even hit on me.”
·        Or give the anti wing man series of XXX-rated movies, it will keep him busy.

Nah! It does not work.
Shit-o-hola! Sometimes that ‘anti-wing man’ is a professional player, great 1000000 in line grandson of Don Juan. In front of him, not even the best-laid plans work. In that case, we are left with nothing but to bitch about him. And, the file is closed and certified forever.

Serendipity at display

To get a date for a man who does not have sense of humour or European accent or a titanic size surname is quite difficult. Wits are necessary, jokes are great, banters are essential, but two things are above everything: timing and brevity. Nay, sometimes a man just needs a bit of saving grace to get a woman, to that I say some things are just meant to be. I have seen with my own small naked eyes a woman falling for a guy who does not stand a chance in front of her, but she falls completely for him and yeah, overnight her man turns out to be the Prince, possibly after the kiss. And in another case, some of my male friends who are like Roman gods do fall for a woman who does not even know the difference between lipstick and lip-gloss. Maybe compatibility matters at the end of the day, physical or mental or emotional, they are the best judge. Indeed, the greatest wing man is sitting up above the world so high. Some of my friends are not aware of it, so I end up getting the credit.

Lastly, the great 69 called Karma

Right now I am single and I want to enjoy this status for a very long time. My courteous friends are like, ‘You will get the best one, God will surely reward you for all the good things you have done.’To them I say, “I don’t want God to do jugaad for that.”And to God I say, “Lord, you were not joking when you kicked Adam and Eve from Eden so take your time but make sure it was worth the wait.”

Private Space

 Lord, but, please don’t send him before I turn 45. I want to hear stories of different people from a different race with a different accent in a different style in a different country having different time zone. Till then, let me be a beautiful wing woman appointed and anointed by you. Wink!

WHAT I LEARNED OF ROMANCE IN MY LATE 20s?

Romance is an art,

Love-making is an act,

Marriage is a pact,

Take this article as a fact.

                                                                                Ayangti Longkumer

   1. Break-up sounds better than divorce but both gives us another chance either to be wise or to be a fool.

    

     2. The course of true love never ran smooth, so please expect dinosaurs to help you.

  

     3.Pigeons are monogamous, so it is pleasing to see pigeons than to see a sexy polygamist trying to fool you.

  4.The difference between love bites and ringworm? Love bites are caused by the sucking and biting off a Dracula with raging hormones, ringworm is caused by fungi.

    5. If someone does not see a future with you then she/he will do everything is their power to drill you with their 3^rd class baseless arguments. Suddenly, the egoistic beast starts considering family’s honour/ donor/ loner/name/shame/game ka the end.

    6.To rekindle some old romance, someone might stoop so low, someone might stand so tall. But, then there is always a fear of monetary blackmailing and then there is emotional drama too.

      7. It is always easy to hunt for World Number 1 criminal than to hunt for the perfect mate.

     8. When you are single, you see couples being happy. When you are seeing someone, you see singles being happy.

    9. When you need money sell all your romance novels which you read during your teenage days.  Do that only after you have cracked the mystery of four-legged monster on the bed.

     10. Romance is a story, not a situation, not a mood.