DYING-CHEATING, LETTING IT GO & OTHER FAVOURITE FLAVOURS

Seeing you with him makes me say, ‘Cupid, indeed, has a good sense of humour.’

 Seeing you with her makes me say, ‘Destiny is a special kind of retard and it is established by a match like yours.’

He has a girlfriend by the name Blue and a best friend by the name Cold. One day he comes back from his office and finds Blue and Cold making out. All three are stunned. He goes forward and embraces both of them and walks out of the room, leaving Blue and Cold all the more confused. He is thankful to them for erasing his guilty conscience. Because all these while, he was  cheating behind Blue’s back with Cold’s wife.

1940: A young bride of 18 was brought to a mansion. She was neither allowed to crack jokes over the dinner table nor talk about politics nor be witty. She was restricted from touching the hunting gun of her elderly husband. Anyway, it seems the mansion was haunted.

1960: After their very long goodbye, they met in a shop. She came to order her daughter’s wedding cake. She was not the right person to ask him why he was still single. She bade goodbye, walked out like a dignified stranger. He smiled; neither did she invite him to her daughter’s wedding nor did she invite him to her wedding thirty years ago, because of the same reason only known to her. 

First of all, you never called me, though you said you’ll, but I still love you.

You burned my books, spoiled my shoes, damaged my head, broke my heart, but I still love you.

Behind my back you slept with Suzy, kissed Cozy, flirted with Molly, dated Dolly, but I still love you.

She bought a bouquet of blue orchids to surprise her lover. Blue is a cold colour and orchids are best in wild. That day, she caught her best friend making out with her lover on her favourite sofa. She looked at both of them and requested, ‘Please, carry on.’ She gently walked outside, lighted up a cigarette and smiled at the blue orchids, for she knew ever since her mom left her dad that- some men are stupid, some women are curvaceous and libido is a powerful fluid, but above all, some people are not worth her anger and tears.

2000: It so happened that the man who spent hours writing about woman’s issues, from marital rape to female infanticide to ‘love your image’ campaign to equal wages for equal work, was  the biggest chauvinist of all time, the most loyal follower of patriarchy as well. He found great admiration, had a strong base of fans, some people even started branding him as the dash between ‘Simone de Beauvoir and Gloria Steinem.’ He fell for a woman who did not give a damn about him, why? Because that’s the way she was. When she dared  not to acknowledge his feelings, he being the reviewer of the journal threw her paper into the trashcan like rotten eggs. She was the best, but she knew not what was worst as the world has always been a performing ground for double-faced actors and of course, actresses.

2010: The morning after their first night, she makes breakfast for him; she is neither his wife nor a hooker. But she is no fool, she is not the modern version of the 1940s housewife, trust me, she won’t take shit from anyone. She knows inside the bathroom he is texting Linda, calling Brinda, checking hot shots of Trida while thinking of Frida. Once out from the bathroom, she hands him the coffee mug, he drinks it even without knowing that she has pissed on it. He finds the taste a bit strange, but like the ‘world dumbest bull’ smiles with the self-perceived contentment that she is such a naïve woman worth fooling.

8 REASONS WHY YOU ARE BEING HATED

Hate is a ‘powerful’ term, it might be politically incorrect to use for a blog-post title, but since it is ‘power’-ful so it is ‘politically’ correct. Whoever said ‘keep your friends close, and your enemies closer’ did not have a freaking clue that some people have more enemies than friends, to keep them closer will lead to suffocation and hence, death.

You might be reading this post for one of the reasons- a. You love what I write, b. You hate what I write; in fact, you are straining your eyes to get brownie points by detecting wrong grammar or disagreement, c. You want to know why you are being hated. The first two options are personal to me; I am keeping it for myself. Now with third option as the right option please continue reading.

1. UNIVERSAL- Good news- not everyone will hate you, sad news- not everyone will love you. There will always be an angel (without wings) to help you and there will always be an asshole (without an air-hole) to pull you down. You are not the first person in the world to be hated or the last. So relax!

2. Z-FACTOR- If ‘X-factor’ is for attraction, then ‘Z-factor’ should be for repulsion. Like X-factor this very factor is unknown. You might be emitting certain kind of energy that makes people hate you, or say the chemicals in your body produces a certain kind of smell which when reaches the nostrils of the inhaler results in an unprecedented hatred towards you.

3. THE PARADOX OF WORDS

 To the chatterbox- Remember, talkativeness was considered a bad manner some ages ago (when there was no concept of anchoring, jockeying and the likes). A person who speaks a lot unknowingly uses words which hurt people who do not interpret it in the way it was meant to be.

To the silent monk- Remember, silence is gold, but that was ages ago when the phrase ‘less is more’ did not hit the market. Sometimes when you do not say the words which some people want to hear then unspoken words are interpreted in 102 ways. There is time for everything, great if you know when to speak.

4. OVERACHIEVER – For years someone lived like an underdog, underachiever, unsung and unrewarded then comes ‘You’ -smart, talented, hardworking, intelligent and adorable, suddenly you take the entire spotlight from someone who never ever shined in the cattle maze. You started expanding your popularity in social network and even the local guards speak about you before taking their puffs. You are everywhere, including their minds. Then what? His insecurities get untamed and the eye of the green eyed monster becomes wider, and we all know that the job of the monster is to eat. But cannibalism is illegal so he hates you.

5. RUMOURS – Across the span of history there has been millions and millions of idiots, ***as well as a handful of smart people*** and these idiots like to believe in stupidly sensational stuff, for example, a dead person dancing on a rainy day. They must have heard stories about you, so even without knowing you they have preconceived notion which results in an instant hatred towards you.

6. DIFFERENCES- You do not like coffee, you like beer, they love coffee, they hate beer. You like rock music, they like classical, you are non-vegetarian, they are vegetarian, you and they have nothing in common, neither religious belief nor political ideology. Opposites attracts but only when there is tolerance of certain level, but the differences between you and they are so much that tolerance have taken early retirement. The only thing in common is -they hate you and you hate them.

7. EXPECTATIONS- ‘Expectation!’ is a killing machine, which goes for random shooting rather than target shooting. Things are not always ‘I expect myself to get this work done’ rather it is something like ‘He owes me, when is he going to repay back.’ The sense of ‘I deserve this, but she gave me this’ spoils relationships. Hope and faith are use in a positive sense, even ‘expectation’ for that matter. However, we often hear ‘Don’t expect anything from me,’ maybe the line originated from the head of the person who knew if she unable to accomplish what is being expected then she might be hated by the poltroons.

8. MAYBE YOU ARE A JERK: Sometimes it takes courage to say ‘I am the Problem’. A play was staged; everyone wanted to play the victim but not the villain, so the play never happened. It might feel good to get some sympathy from here and there, but have you ever sat down and considered what you are undergoing is something you deserved? If you slept with you best friend’s lover by drugging her in his absence, then the bashing, hatred and months in jail are something you deserve. 

Whether or not you fall under one of the options do not really matter because haters gonna hate anyway. The surprise comes when the person whom you thought loves you the most turns out to be the person who hates you the most. Well, this is life; it has surprises and packages. And of course, the more haters you have, the truer you are being to yourself.