Why are you not writing anything on the issue of Women Reservation in Nagaland?’ That’s the question which many people have asked me. Honestly, for me issues like this are sensitive, hence, no one will dare to open their mouth only if I support my argument with unmanipulated facts; which is possible only if I go for field work to the collect the data. But, seriously I have a Ph.D. viva to defend, three policy articles to analyze (for which I took the money, I have used the money, now I will be jailed if I don’t produce the work), and I am looking for a teaching position, busy here. The point I am making is, I am not in a position to come up with an intense, fact-laden, methodologically sound, groundbreaking, award deserving article on this issue. Hence to apologize, I did a review of what kind of extreme audience are/were present in this debate. Hope you enjoy the show!

The Ratchet Class- God man everyone equal? I doubt. Some are born to shine more than others through their ratchetness.  This class is filled with anger, so much anger,  they don’t have the time to edit their status or comment; they end up showing to the world that they have the worst grammar problem {I am not a Grammar goddess, but my thoughts are rightly conveyed}. When someone takes a stand different from theirs, then this class is ready to pick up a fight, which is purely based on the theme ‘my fragile ego is hurt’. The rowdy attitude of this class makes them the non-classiest human being alive. 

The Section Officer- This officer makes Article 371A and Nagaland Municipal Act 2001 fly. It reminds me of Rohit Shetty’s movies which give a new definition to the ‘Theory of Gravitation’. For most Nagas, Indian Polity was a subject which fetched good marks in Bachelors, memorizing the basic articles and the basic acts was a good trick. This Section Officer graduated, but the S.O’s dream of showing to the world the answer sheet where the S.O meticulously made a khichdi out of M.Laxmikanth’s (D.D.Basu, if they belong to my Uncle’s generation) Indian Polity remained unfilled, hence, this was the best opportunity the Section Officer could get and it was executed well.

The Bible Quotation Masters- We don’t know from where this master got the talent or the authority to interpret Bible verse so conveniently. Their writing goes something like this, ‘In the Bible, it is written…’ Well, in the Bible it is written, ‘to everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,’ so I guess, it is the time for them to introspect their principles and to keep their mouth shut. Manipulating a text is not a problem as long as you have an audience who hardly questions the authenticity of what you are saying (writing). The 21st Century Nagaland is dominated by smartphones, television channels, fake brands, corruption, and overly ambitious dreams,  thus, no one has the time to actually make sense of the Bible verses, everyone is being a Bible tourist and the real explorers are filled with self-doubt. You know what? Number 33 is an Occult number.

The Prostitute Theorist-Time and again, I have written that politics, religion, and prostitution are the three oldest occupations in the world. People condemn politics, but they cannot ignore it, people argue about religion, but no one can give a solid conclusion. Now comes the prostitution, one of the professions where the service provider is dishonored, but no one points a finger at the client. That’s where this theorist enters with the syllogism, ‘all women politicians are dirty; all prostitutes are dirty; therefore, all women politicians are prostitutes.’ This theorist feels so much responsible to take charge of what kind of occupation a woman should choose to keep her honour and image intact. I do not know how engaging in politics makes a woman a prostitute. Well, if this theorist is getting confused with politics and sex scandals, then I have a request, please Google search-politicians and sex scandals. Check the ratio between male politicians and female politicians who were sacked from the cabinet for sex scandals. 

The Patronizers- I know there are men who genuinely care, love and respect women. They fight for women’s rights, in the process, they are mocked by their own fellow mates for choosing to join the other camp. I thank them. However, there are men who know well how to fake, they show love, awareness, and concern, just to get pretty recognition or in the worst case, to get the attention of that super beautiful feminist. These patronizers are two kinds-

(A) Wolves in Sheep's Clothing- they are more dangerous than the misogynists. Within the close doors, they practice the system which they discard so vehemently in public. Some may call them hypocrites, but I would love to call them ‘period cramps’ because they make us alert of the coming responsibility.

(B) The Ultimate Saviours-they cannot stop bragging about how much pain they have endured, how much recognition they deserve, and how everything would have been without their leadership. Sure, let’s prefix ‘Sir’ before their names. 

The Kuch bhiz- These mammals have been in the hibernation mode for a pretty long time, mucus has filled the eyes of these mammals, hence, their visions are misty. To make the matter worse, maggot has entered their eardrums damaging their auditory senses. They keep on walking, hitting their heads on the pillar and the post. Particularly, when they hit their head on the post, they defend their shortcomings by blaming the weather, yeah, how is it even related? But luck favours them, everyone buys their argument because they are in the right club, surrounded by their kind of people. 


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