WHILE I WAS AWAKE

          

I woke up,

I don’t remember anything- nothing at all.

Who am I?

Why am I in this room?

I looked at the colour of the wall

-it is white, pale cold white

Who chose the colour for this room?

Was it, me? Is it really my room?

I don’t remember anything.

Who am I?

I walk towards the mirror

-the mirror is dusty.

I question myself,

why is the mirror so dusty?

Am I miser not to see the dust on it?

Who am I?

What am I doing in this room?

There is a frame with a black and white picture on it-

-the girl in the picture looks like me,

-but she has a longer hair.

Is the girl in the picture me?

When did I cut my hair?

Was it my idea or someone suggested it to me?

I am so scared,

I don’t remember anything.

I walked out from the room,

-lots of doors,

-lots of windows I see.

The floor of the house is all cracked,

Is this an old house?

How long have I been living here?

So, there is the kitchen,

I see a lady smiling at me,

Why is she so good to me?

I can see wrinkles on her face,

She is still smiling at me,

Shall I ask her what relationship I share with her?

I feel so stupid,

I don’t remember anything.

Let me pretend-

-let me be good,

She must be a kind woman,

Her smile has not left her face.

I pull out the chair,

She is asking my plans for the day,

What will I say to her?

How should I address her?

A man has just entered the kitchen,

-he kissed my head,

-he smells of something so familiar,

-he kissed the lady too

-they look like a couple,

I have to leave them alone.

Let me open the door of the kitchen,

It looks like a lawn,

The grasses are green and the birds are chirping,

My mind sounds like the cliché-

-only a nursery poem can deliver,

Let me sit in this little swing,

I have to be steady,

I can see a man looking at me

-through the broken window

-guess he is my neighbour,

He is staring at me,

Haven’t he seen a girl swinging high?

Let me get down from the swing,

He has dirty intention, I can read his eyes,

If the force takes me high, higher and highest

-that man will feel hired.

I am inside a big room,

Let me look for more rooms

-okay, this one has lots of couch,

There is a picture of a man and woman holding a card written-

Just married!

These two are the one who kissed in front of me this morning,

I see lots of photographs of them and me,

It sums up, I, their child, they, my parents.

I can hear whispers coming from the adjacent room,

Let me peep this room has lots of books,

Oh! I can hear what they are saying

-he says, ‘I am planning to divorce her. Give me some time,’

-the woman says, ‘well if you are divorcing her then make sure she

takes your daughter along with her.’

I am so confused; some hours ago this man was kissing the woman

who made my breakfast

-now he is with another woman, making plans,

-his wife, my mother comes screaming and crying,

This is so confusing.

Then someone slams the door,

Two men enter the house,

I see guns in their hand,

The gunshot makes a piercing sound,

It hits me,

Slowly, slowly, my body loses the sense of what I have,

My eyes don’t flatter the reason,

Trembling winds don’t dare to touch my skin,

I feel an ecstasy which I have never felt before

-as last breath escapes from my dried lips.