THE PARTING GIFT

         ‘Every happy ending is alike; every sad ending is unique in its own way…’

                                                                        Ayangti Longkumer

The door bell rang.

Aina’s bouncing hair synchronised her footsteps.

‘Hello!’ Straz greeted her.

‘Hi! When did you return from Mars?’ Aina was in full glee.

‘We need to talk, let’s go somewhere,’ Straz commanded.

‘Sure, but first I need a kiss,’ said Aina.

‘Let’s go.’

‘I want a kiss first,’ Aina’s lips pouted in stubbornness.

‘You can kiss me on the cheeks.’

Unheeded Aina kissed him on his lips and the kiss lasted for a minute.

‘Let’s go to the park,’ Straz suggested.

‘Sure, I’ll kiss you again under a big fat tree,’ Aina deciphered.

When they reached the garden, Aina asked, ‘Straz, did you miss me all these years?’

‘Aina, things are different now. I am engaged to be married.’

‘Fine! What’s her name?’

‘Her name is Manny.’

‘Fancy name. Tell me, does she have a great body like me?’ Aina teased.

‘How does it matter?’

‘You once said that I have the best body in the whole of the universe,’ it was a memory to display.

‘Come on, I liked everything about you, not only those petty vital statistics,’ Straz confessed.

‘Why don’t you leave her? I'll pray that she finds someone better than you.’

‘I can’t, it’s too late,’ Straz lowered his glance to the ground.

‘Let’s elope to a quiet place. Just you and me.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous. You better find a good man for yourself.’

‘Can’t. All the good men are dead. If you want then I can take you to the morgue.’

‘Aina, when will you grow up?’

‘Straz, this tree is so beautiful; I want to kiss you under it.’

A passionate kiss follows.

‘Why did you kiss me?’

‘Well, you didn’t stop me, I know you like it,’ Aina replied in total honesty.

‘I am so done with you. Goodbye,’ Straz walked away, leaving Aina all alone.      

Aina knew he will come back. After an hour, she saw him coming towards her.

‘I went to pack my bag.’

‘Good, by the way, did you see my necklace?’

‘Yes. I discreetly took it out while we were kissing beneath the tree.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, I have to give Manny a parting gift.’

‘So cheap of you.’

‘I know. Now quickly give me a kiss,’ Straz requested.

‘I thought you didn't like kissing me.’

‘I do, I always did. I love you, Aina.’

‘I love you too, Straz.’

Excuse me, can I have some water, please?

That was the alternate ending of a story whose actual ending was something like this, Straz never returned to Aina, they did not share any kiss that day, Aina wanted to kiss him badly but could not pluck up the courage, Straz, on the other hand, was a cold lover. He married Manny, they had two daughters. The necklace belonged to Manny; it was a parting gift which Straz had gently slipped in Aina’s pocket. Aina, on the other hand, died the following winter, with the necklace around her neck. And, why the hell are you expecting a happy ending? If you want a crappy romantic love story with a happy ending then grab your own copy of Mills & Boons. 

WHAT LIES BENEATH THE NAGA JOKES

To come up with the assumption that Naga people have a unique way of socialising will be nothing but debatable. We cannot presume that our only way of socialising is by devouring non-vegetarian food, alcohol consumption and cracking jokes.  At the same time, we cannot rule out the fact that humour plays an important role in socialising. Over the years, the variety of mainstream jokes has grown more than double, adding to such is the dumb blonde joke, ethnic jokes, Sanda-Panda joke, the non-veg jokes which need parental guidance and of course, the sexist jokes which are more like remarks. In Nagaland, we have tribes’ dictation jokes, political leader jokes, sexist jokes, non-veg jokes and other stale jokes.

Don’t just laugh at the humour, read the underlining satire too: If we compare the Naga jokes of the 1980s to that of now, do we notice the way our society has undergone a change in accepting what a joke should or should not be? Do vulgarity and condemnations bring more laughter than the jokes which make us think? It will be interesting if we observe not only the humour but also the high satirical content that Naga jokes carry. Which is an interesting phenomenon as humour and satire have been treated as two different entities. Humour ignites laughter and grants amusement, on the other hand, satire is considered as a genre of literature in which abuses, vices or shortcomings are ridiculed, usually through sarcasm. Satirical themes usually range from religion to politics to collective human behaviour, which makes people think and which often get applauds from people who appreciates its value. Anyway, we cannot ignore that Naga jokes consciously or subconsciously reflects the reality of our present society, but we get engaged more in the humour than in deciphering the satirical undertone.

Your jokes, your responsibility: We are told to mind our actions, our words, so what about our jokes? Are we supposed to take responsibly for the jokes we break? Sometimes, in the name of cracking a joke, we forget there is a difference between rudeness and being sensitive. Jokes are used as a weapon to level the score resulting in bitter grudge among persons and communities. Of course, ill-spirited jokes have always put someone in losing ends. I have often heard stories of how mindless banters and slanders provoked someone to file the case against the person who cracked the joke pot upon him. Moreover, with the growth of social networks, often we can see how a petty joke takes 180-degree turn after ‘x’ makes a comment on it, resulting in ‘y’ blocking ‘x’ from the contact list. Sometimes mending out jokes on someone grows so grotesque resulting in ‘cyber bullying’, but is our society even aware of that?

Be careful of your jokes:  Why such consideration should be taken into account? Likely, jokes do not remain within a community; it spreads over to other community as well, what started as a stupid joke (loaded with generalization, with no factual clarity) within a community of people when it reaches the third and the fourth community online then there is high probability of treating it as an existing reality, as reality is socially constructed. If with a bias attitude towards certain tribes, someone constructs jokes and those jokes become the guiding book to know the mentality and conduct of those tribes, then what a fallacy can it be! So to avoid being that person who brought the flawed belief, one should be careful of his/her jokes.

The difficulty lies in the fact that a person cannot be mindful of his/her jokes all the time. As a minor solution one can begin the joke by signalling the statutory warning, “This is a pure Naga joke, don’t seek for clarification, it does not intend to offend any individual or tribe, laugh if you find it funny.” But, seriously who is going to heed this solution…only the stand-up comedian. 

(As appeared in Morung Express)

7 PROBABLE REASONS WHY SHE IS SINGLE

    

By reading this article you are guaranteeing me and yourself to avoid from using the word ‘Spinster’ to denote a continually unmarried woman, which is so rude and inappropriate to hear. She is single, but it does she will be spinning wheels throughout her life to economically sustain herself (anyway, in 21^st Century who does that). Though I am not a big fan of American English, but I will be ever grateful to the lad or the lady who coined the term ‘Bachelorette’. You may proceed,

7. BECAUSE SHE IS A MEMBER OF ‘NO MAN NO CRY’ CLUB: Gender stereotyping is something we all are aware of. Men are dogs, women are gold diggers, men like sex all the time, women are control freaks etc. Some women know ‘not to put’ all men under one category while others were unfortunate enough to come across men who ‘did not give them a chance’ not to generalise men. She must have been wooed by a man who initially sang all those love songs of together forever, but, ran away the minute a bombshell or terrorist or bankruptcy came on the way. She might be surrounded by aunts whose hearts were broken by sailors and soldiers, she might have read sad and grey novels where heartbroken women starved and died but their men went unpunished by the writer. Possibly, she might not have enough experiences to make her a feminist or misandrist, but for sure a member of ‘No Man No Cry’ club. Hence, she is single.

6. BECAUSE HER INDEPENDENCE IS ABOVE EVERYTHING: Her home lives in her heart, she is the daughter of all the five elements of nature. Her soul is a vivid traveller, she is independent and it was not achieved overnight, she remembers the pain she underwent in establishing a position that made her mind say ‘no-relationships’. Stories of psychotic boyfriends and nagging in-laws resulting in woman's loss of independence might be some of the reasons that aggravated her consideration not to be in the relationship. In a certain point of her life, she was told not to be too individualistic, so she tried experimenting relationships only to realise her independence was at the altar. She might not know the difference between self-reliance and autarky, but she is the best judge of her life. Hence, she is single. 

5. BECAUSE SHE IS MEGALOMANIAC: Winner stands alone, true, but, megalomaniac too stands alone. People often mistake ‘megalomaniac-female’ with that of a ‘bitch’, while the later is traditional and treatable, the former is unconventional and often goes untreated. She lives in the grant illusion that no man is good enough for her as she is too awesome. She is a big time narcissistic, egoistic and ballistic. Few selfless courageous men might have asked her on a date but it was impossible to handle her diffusion. From the surface, she looks generous, warm and responsible, but she is an opportunist, bitter and blames others for her mistakes. She  is  megalomaniac- Her dog knows about it, her neighbours knows about it, FBI knows about it, so in the era of information and social networking, everyone knows she is a megalomaniac. Hence, she is single.

4. BECAUSE SHE IS AHEAD OF HER TIME: She is a time traveller, she has seen the future. Jumping 1000 years ahead she saw technology governing the planet, robot hopping from one street to other, there is no so-called human relationship, which means no dating, no wedding and no love making, humans behaving like machines- monotonous. She wants to blame the humans for this doom, for the loss of love and dictatorship of technology, but who is she, just another woman next door. She cannot bear the thought of seeing her offspring’s offspring being a part of that regime. She wants the present generation to love poetry, music art and literature for those are the things that push forward human race and makes the human more human, but she finds those who know this sloka forms the minority; she is one of them. No one will believe her if she narrates what she has seen, so she decides to live a life of a recluse. Hence, she is single

3. BECAUSE SHE IS STUCK IN A SITUATION: She might have severe commitment phobia, she might be a super career minded woman but she cannot find a solution to that as it has become a part of her. She might be confused about her sexuality, no one to share around or hear her out, and as obvious, people are judgmental. She might be stuck in a situation of unrequited love: she might be in love with her first cousin or in worse case her own brother, she might be in love with a married man; she might be in love with a person who died 10 years ago. She wants to give away the love she has but the prospective receiver does not want to receive or cannot receive. Different people have different needs, choices, preferences, however, the society we live in does not give enough time to prove a point, and that is when she rebels against the society in her own way. Hence, she is single.  

2. BECAUSE SHE IS A GODDESS: She is beautiful and equally intelligent, she is rich, talented and compassionate, in short; she is the epitome of perfection. However, she is still single. It might be possible that some of the Greek goddesses fell for a human, but that was then, this is now. Gods and goddesses do not trust humans anymore, humans are selfish and foolish, manipulative and amused till the mystery is broken through the destruction of beauty which captivated them for a certain period of time. She is a goddess, she had smelled human intentions, she won’t mingle with ordinary people with ordinary love. Women who cannot be like her will envy her, men who cannot have her will spread malicious rumours about her, anyway, the good thing is everyone is ignorant of her being a goddess. Eventually, she will age but it does not matter to her, she is just waiting for the call from the land where she belongs. Hence, she is single.  

1. BECAUSE SHE IS ALL OUT OF LOVE: What can she give when she herself is broke. What led her to such love-poverty is something only she knows; we are left with few good guesses: childhood emotional deprivation resulting from abuses of various kinds, teenage trauma or early adult dark experiences. Every relationship she knew must have taken a part of love from her. We are told that love is mutual and never goes in vain, but in every step of her life, she found love as an element which could not be recycled, but more like an agent assigned to murder her. Just because you have found a loving person does not mean you have to advertise what perfect relationship can do like everyone is not lucky in gambling, everyone is not lucky in love, everyone does not win the game of love and gets rich. She is all out of love. Hence, she is single.

Yet, the good news is, she has not lost her way…